Not Super so much as “Lacking Wattage” (LOLZ)

9:00pm – BREAKING NEWS, EVERYONE! Solomon Wilcots tells us the lights are getting brighter and brighter. America can only hope this means he was just hit by a truck and is approaching “the light.”

9:09pm – Joe Theismann wins Tweet of the Night.

9:15pm – I’d be okay if the game ended now. #bedtime #old

Alright, power’s back on.

9:24pm – Touchdown 49ers. Game? Sleepy.

9:27pm – “Honey, crack your nuts now.” I have nothing to add.

9:33pm – 28-20 Ravens after another 49ers TD. Did Roger Goodell/CBS arrange for that power outage?

9:37pm – I’m very confused by that Budweiser commercial.

9:40pm – Wow. Ravens fumble. Baltimore fans are sick to their stomachs. A loss almost feels inevitable at this point. #BlackoutGate

9:44pm – Steve, Lindsey and Melanie are all asleep around me. Cheetos have done their job.

9:51pm – End of 3rd quarter. 28-23 Ravens. Time for a mood check.
Melanie: Asleep.
Lindsey: Asleep.
Steve: Asleep.
Soroka Family Cats: Fidgety.
Jeff: Staring at shiny objects.

10:00pm – Now THAT is a commercial. Kudos to Dodge. No shrieking goats but I could listen to Paul Harvey talk about farmers for hours.

10:04pm – Wowsers. Blackout Bowl Drama. 31-29 Ravens.

10:36pm – Shocked the game got this tight. 49ers seem a little too “wild” to be in a position to win it. Discipline could break down and lead to an untimely penalty or gaffe.

10:39pm – Jim Harbaugh’s a savage nutcase.

10:41pm – Amazing that we haven’t seen or heard from Ray Lewis this entire 2nd half.

10:41pm – Intentional safety time for the Ravens. Phil Simms is entirely confused.

10:42pm – As if on cue, there he is…SANS tears! Bravo, Raymond.

10:43pm – KICK THE DAMN BALL, ALREADY; I NEED TO GO TO BED!

10:46pm – Ravens WR Torrey Smith flying around after a catch like he’s a bird. Melanie quote: “WEEEEEEEEE!!!!”

10:46pm – And the Ravens win it. Ray-Ray is mid-orgasm as he devours the confetti falling from the ceiling.

10:53pm – Just uttered here in the living room: “What the hell is on Ray Lewis’ ass?”

10:56pm – I wonder how many calls NFLShop gets from insane, drunken fans immediately after the commercial touting the championship t-shirt, DVD and towel airs. I’d like a CD recording of those, NFLShop. I can’t blame those fans, though. If the Bills ever win it, I’ll be on the phone immediately demanding 37 of them in a rage.

10:59pm – Just realized the guy doing the hand-signing for the pregame songs is actually Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti. El Choco (Taco), we will miss ye.

steve

11:01pm – While I’m not a Ravens fan, this makes me very happy for Bunny Colvin, Snoop, Prop Joe, Dukie and the Sobotkas.

11:02pm – Ray-Ray goes out with a relatively restrained pronouncement of thanks to Jebus and Baltimore. Let’s end on that note, everyone. Enjoy your lives.

FIN

1 Comment

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  1. Entertaining as always!

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